Me First!

"Dancing into my own little world is what I like to do, no one can come in and take me away; for dance is the way into this world bringing joy and love to everyone, not anger and hatred. You can come into this world too, bringing joy and love, by doing the thing you love to do!"  - FaceBook Post by my daughter, Amanda Kersker


We have teased Amanda about having her own little world since she was about 5 or 6 years old when one night as we tucked her in we asked her "What color is the sky in your world?"  She very simply looked up at us without missing a beat and answered, "Purple."

What can you say to that?  To some degree Amanda has never out grown her own little world and as I read posts like this I see that she is learning about cultivating or defining what that world is like - a place filled with joy and love.

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about environment creating.  My thoughts aren't necessarily as orderly as I'd like but each time I sit down and write I'm exploring another aspect.  In earlier posts I've looked at distractions to cultivating our Haven environments and in another why we pursue creating the Haven.  Today, what is on my heart is the idea that it begins with me.

I couldn't begin to create a Haven for my family until I worked on myself first - really it was allowing God to work on me - healing my heart and opening my eyes to His truths.  I had to be willing to go places in my heart with God that were hard - that meant admitting to my husband I was wrong and then changing my actions to match what was right and true.

All of us have baggage.  We learn this game of life by trial and error.  If we have godly parents that guide and direct us and we listen, maybe the baggage isn't as much.  For others of us our parents, friends, and many others contribute to that baggage as we choose to listen to wrong advise or maybe are victimized by abuse or the poor choices of others.  As we go through life, these end up effecting who we are and how we respond to situations and to others - especially those closest to us, our family.

Some of my baggage that I needed to deal with and allow God to heal in me manifested itself as poor self image, low self-esteem, and an unhealthy picture of sexuality.  Probably Satan's strongest tool against me even now is the thought that "I am not good enough."

When I began my process, it began with me learning to see myself the way God saw me and to accept that; it began with me seeing my roles in life the way God did - being a stay at home mom and wife wasn't because I wasn't good enough at something else; it began with me seeing His design for sexuality and throwing away stuff from the past.

I guess my point for today is that in this case it really is "ME FIRST."   Until I began with me and started working through my stuff, I was too defensive to address any of the other issues (distractions to my Haven) as they came up.  A comment about the house or dinner was seen as an attack and my head just kept ringing with "I'm not good enough" which became a downward spiral.

The process is a continual one, but once I began to open my mind and heart to what God wanted me to see and one by one I brought my actions in line with that, it was like dominoes falling into place and it began to make a beautiful design!


Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. 
(Rom 12:2 NIV)


In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. 
(2Ti 2:20-21 NIV)